A new theory of sex

This page is here to document my new theory of sex.

This theory is meant to contrast with my older theories of sex which I considered to be insufficient

This is a generally more optimistic and more sex-positive theory than my previous theories.

This is my 2022 No Nut November project in addition to getting laid irl

Evolution of sexual strategies
Originally we descend from promiscuous single celled organisms

Urbilaterian (see Old Gaiad/19) reproduced by ejecting gametes into the sea

As we grew more complex we tended towards increased parental care.

Maternal care came first and then paternal care.

Parental care allows for larger offspring size. K-selection

Conventionally casual sex is seen as the norm and monogamy the aberration. However in humans there's such a long established tradition of monogamy such that casual sex itself may be seen as the aberration

Evolutionary Perspectives on Paternal Care in Primates
The Theory of Paternal Investment: Differences in infant care between sexes stems from females investing more time and energy in their offspring than males, while males compete with one another for access to females. Although paternal care is rare among mammalians, males across many primate species still play a paternal role in infant care.

Hypotheses addressing the rise of paternal care in several primate species
The Paternal Care hypothesis: Paternal care and investment will be designated to biological offspring, increasing the infant's chance of survival, and therefore increasing the male's own fitness. This hypothesis requires the on male to use recognition and behavioural cues to distinguish their own offspring from other infants. Paternal uncertainty is high in multimale-multifemale primate groups so males must use these cues to recognize and bias care towards their own offspring. This allows males to provide both short and long-term investment for infants. Primates living in monogamous pairs or single-male groups exhibit high paternity certainty and assist with the Paternal Care hypothesis.

The Mating Effort hypothesis: Males provide care for infants in order to increase mating opportunities with females. This means that males are more likely to engage in affiliative behaviours with the infant in the presence of the mother as a form of male mating effort in order to enhance future reproductive success. This theory is independent of genetics and evolved independent of paternity.

The Maternal Relief hypothesis: Males provide care infants to help reduce reproductive burdens of the female, ultimately resulting shorter inter-birth intervals and more successful offspring. This stems from the male alleviating the female from her parental duties in order to keep her resources from becoming depleted and subsequently allowing her to produce high quality milk for the infant. Similarly to the mating effort hypothesis, the maternal relief hypothesis is independent of genetics and does not require the male to be the biological father to take part in infant care.

Rodents
Several species of rodents have been studied as models of paternal care, including prairie voles (Microtus ochrogaster), Campbell's dwarf hamster, the Mongolian gerbil, and the African striped mouse. The California mouse (Peromyscus californicus) is a monogamous rodent that exhibits extensive and essential paternal care, and hence has been studied as a model organism for this phenomenon. One study of this species found that fathers had larger hindlimb muscles than did non-breeding males. Quantitative genetic analysis has identified several genomic regions that affect paternal care.

History of the article
This article was inspired by a conversation on the healthygamergg discord originally called "I want to change my cynical views on sex" posted on November 5th 2022

This article may be moved over eusexuality after completion, depending on whether it provides a sufficiently well done theory of eusexiality and whether it remains in the scope

Getting laid project
This No Nut November I am following the rules of no masturbation at all but can cum from sex. I don't regularly have casual sex and I'm single so this means stepping out of my comfort zone.

I'm now seeing girls I meet irl more sexually, but my current get laid plan is to start a local polyamory discord server and hopefully find and join a polycule there. I hope a guy and a girl.

I looked on facebook and fetlife for an existing one and asked a few people but there isn't one so making one

I have one big problem, thinking about the possibility of success makes me so horny that I just end up blueballed every day and that kind of puts me out of the mood for being horny around girls irl

Noticed there were more girls in the client side development class than I remembered, but the class still sucks, might be able to meet a girl there

Well I lost no nut November on the morning of November 9th, but only after having made a bunch of plans I'm excited to go through with. Gonna continue it though and hopefully next time I nut it will be from sex. Feeling optimistic but a bit nervous and unsure about status stuff

I just went to a munch and it was great.

The Great November Outage happened shortly after the munch and I lost track of figuring all this stuff out. I went to a rope lesson, and attempted but failed to get to a play party due to a wrong date, which was the topic of the Missed Party Video. I went to another munch after and met a girl who may become a play partner in the future, but exams got in the way of doing it.

Due to my father being back things are more complicated now.

Monogamy and Prosociality
We see a clear phenomenon that Antisociality leads against monogamy. And monogamy suggests Prosociality. This may lead one to think that monogamy is a product of prosociality, but there is not necessarily evidence for that. I think it is more likely that following any system monogamous polyamorous polygamous etc correctly is a product of prosociality. We need more evidence on this though looking at the Islamic world and polyamorous people.

Big Five
Misc papers might find the one on conscientiousness I was looking for

Conscientiousness
This is the paper I was looking for conscientiousness has many positive impacts on sexuality and sex life which generally seem very good, but later age of initiation

In other studies, another ‘Big Five’ trait, conscientiousness, was found to be negatively correlated with sexual preoccupation, and positively with marital and dating satisfaction. Individuals who scored low on conscientiousness were more likely to have sexual affairs, while more conscientious men were found to be more disciplined in delaying potential sexual gratification and avoiding risky sexual behaviours

In our study, conscientiousness was found to be slightly associated with later sexual initiation age. Persons with high levels on this trait describe themselves as well-organised and responsible. Probably, they also postpone moment of starting sexual life with a partner and tend to wait for more ‘proper circumstances’. However, according to our findings, being more conscientious affected having a bit more frequent sexual intercourses, even anal sex and ‘any sexual activity’ with their partner. It is quite interesting that more conscientious males, who were found to be more able to delay potential sexual gratification, generally have more sexual intercourses than those with lower levels of consciousness. It is noteworthy that males scoring higher on consciousness scale were mildly less willing to engage in sexual activities without penetration.

More conscious males also declared more satisfying sexual activities per month and better overall sexual satisfaction. This finding remains in accordance with previous reports. In our sample conscientiousness did not affect any of the direct aspects of a relationship with partner.

A moderate association of conscientiousness with satisfaction with one’s body was also indicated. This tendency seems to have a good influence on general sexual expression.

In our study higher levels of conscientiousness moderately decreased the number of masturbation acts. People with this characteristic may hypothetically perceive masturbation as inappropriate, especially if they are concurrently involved in a relationship with a sexual partner. For more conscientious men, following norms is crucial, while for many Polish men masturbation is perceived as morally inappropriate. Although there was no correlation between conscientiousness and condom usage frequency, there is a noticeably decreased tendency to engage in coitus interruptus. This may partly confirm previous findings that men scoring higher on conscientiousness are also more responsible in sexual activities they take part in.

In our sample, higher conscientiousness was surprisingly a slightly protective factor in case of premature ejaculation problems. We expected that an increased tendency to control one’s behaviour causes the opposite effects.

Conscientiousness was found to be moderately correlated with the stereotypical femininity. This can be explained as a culture-induced expectation for women to be more self-controlling and restrained in sexual activity. What is surprising, in our sample of young adult males such ‘femininity’ was slightly associated with better erectile function and orgasm.

Misc Papers
Misc papers

Am I attractive?
Yes I am attractive. I get so many yeses in the few scenarios where they would be appropriate. I am just not in those scenarios enough. My belief is that this likely means gender dysphoria just covered up me seeing myself as attractive, and girls who can say yes do say yes.

Personality
I'm a SCOAI that's quite attractive too. Sure I'm a weird career but weird career doesn't mean bad and it especially doesn't mean unattractive

Environment vs Age vs Skill accumulation
Enviornment vs age is a controversial thing that can make it so people have preconceived notions on certain things. For example beingh high school age vs in a high school environment

Skill accumulation
Simply not demonstrated to be true. It goes especially badly when it gets combined with different environments. High school dating may actually make you less prepared for real world dating, but it also is envy inducing/Domicide salting

Time Horizons
Sex gets better with age and investment in your sex life, it is a long term thing. Shit like taking as many virginitites as you can (which is short term youth focused) is not the correct way to address this.

Sex peaks late in life. I previously believed it peaked in twenties then went to its worst in the thirties and asymptotically increased but never reached the twenties earlier, but that is just not true

Old age
Old age is a bit more debatable but outside of my concerns right now

Environment
The past doesn't really matter. But domicide can certainly make it seem so. Notably any and all environmental things are in your control, if you want a high school-like environment then you can have one.

Age of sexual initiation overall has negative effects. Sexual guilt and lack of sexual dysfunction are exceptions. Overall it has a positive effect on relationship satisfaction and otherwise

The idea of different development speeds with same goal generally seems accurate, but one issue is at play with it. Environmgnets changing can make it feel like more was lost from losing it later, or maybe to be more accurate more is lost just by virtue of changing environments as a result of domicide.

These things are the case though with some caveats, namely domicide is an actual problem to resolve rather than just an inevitable thing, the purpose of the Church of Evolution is primarily to resolve domicide (the ninefold vaccine goes in alo order).

One shouldn't feel inferior over having been victim to a top down abusive domicidal regime.

High school
High school sex isn't that good. However the Domicide of high school can make it feel more important

Some people, myself included desire a kind of scenario where rumors of you being good at sex lead to more people being into you which leads to more sex and more rumors. That is something which is gonna happen more in high school than other times, no clue if it happens in polyamorous or kink communities, but if it did then that Domicide would be very effectively resolved.

There’s a whole other debate about the nature of high school socializing. It’s likely unrepresentative of the world in ways that make it just unethical to put people through. I’m making a video on that topic called ”Is high school unethical?”.

This is a rather foreign debate to our culture. Is high school socializing in some way superior to adulthood socializing? I’d say yes. There are a few caveats: the biggest being that the people you’re socializing with are worse. Stigmatizing wanting to go back to high school is not good, as I believe most of it is related to a more organic social environment (alongside a few big artificial restrictions that are familiar to you).

As far as this relates to the sexual environment it means sex is more communal in high school.

One shouldn’t complain about things or feel like one was inferior for not having had sex in high school. Conditions are different and they are combined with it being a relatively young age. Part of the unethicalness of high school is that you are deceived into thinking the world will always be that way. I believe almost everyone who is 22 would be able to find someone in a high school environment (with other 22 year olds so in 16th grade). But it creates false optimism for the future.

College
Basically just high school but worse. Slightly better sex in exchange for worse chances to meet people.

Greek life is a bit of an anomaly but i haven’t participated so I can’t comment.

Kink community
Haven't been involved with it long enough to say one way or the other how I think about it.

Vanity metrics
Vanity metrics don't matter

They don't matter in business and personal life is business so they shouldn't matter in personal life. Only actionable metrics matter

Vanity metrics include
 * total sex partners
 * not relevant to current situation
 * It’s like number of YouTube subscribers
 * since it’s lifetime it means it can represent someone’s past while being completely unrepresentative of their present or future
 * virginities taken
 * big metric of success but one that almost exclusively lines up with teenage success
 * it’s pretty envy inducing but doesn’t map onto much
 * best interpreted as a proxy for amount of sex partners when young. Happens pretty reliably in a young sexually active person and not at all for an old sexually active person
 * as such is even more of a vanity metric than total sex partners, for most people it will fundamentally have no relevance to their current situation

Human explanations
Here are explanations in human motives of why someone might choose one lifestyle over another. No Evolutionary psychology

Why would someone go for casual sex

 * avoiding emotional intimacy
 * It’s arguably socially easier to have casual sex
 * My experience was just atypical as a product of my social environment

Why would someone go for monogamy

 * long term benefits and investment

Why would someone go for polyamory

 * family-like structure

Why right wingers are more sexually satisfied, satisfaction vs goodness
Why right wingers are more sexually satisfied. Chem says it's because right wingers have lower expectations and worse sex lives Which is an interesting position even if I dispute being good at sex is valuable. Satisfaction vs goodness is an interesting debate.

Enforced monogamy
tl;dr enforced monogamy bad polycule good

Enforced monogamy is an interesting position. I generally accept the moral imperative to it as fact but don't feel it fits me, this creates a unique kind of sexual guilt in me.

I'm afraid/guilty over success not failure

Having reassessed it and done a reddit post on it I have concluded this is not a reason to feel guilty

Main reason being that the notion assumes something of a monogamous framing from the start. One can argue it's more of a question of if monogamy works when you don't follow monogamy. Of course it won't